Stephanie Cullen's Homework Assignment
by Flag118
Summary: Stephanie Cullen (a Cullen I made up) gets a homework assignment to write diary entries for a week about her family, her home and her life. Please note that Stephanie has to write about her family like they are human and not vampires, since she has to hand it into her human English teacher. Also, this is written about the time of Eclipse, so no Renesmee, sorry! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Stephanie Cullen**  
**Forks Middle school**  
**English class**  
**Mrs. Brent**

PRIVATE! KEEP OUT! Unless you're Mrs. Brent who is marking this, in that case read on :)

05/13/12 or 13/05/12 if you live in Europe or something, The Cullen Household.

Dear diary-homework-thingy,

I should probably of rubbed garlic on the front cover of this book, to keep _vampires_ and _evil spirits _away. Because I don't want any _vampires_ or _evil spirits_ reading this. Ha ha ha. Like those things actually exist.

I've never written a diary before, so I'm not sure if I'll be any good at it. We have to write in informal language. I Googled informal and it came up with this:

1. not of a formal, official, or stiffly conventional nature an informal luncheon  
2. appropriate to everyday life or use informal clothes  
3. (Linguistics / Grammar) denoting or characterized by idiom, vocabulary, etc., appropriate to everyday conversational language rather than to formal written language  
4. (Linguistics / Grammar) denoting a second-person pronoun in some languages used when the addressee is regarded as a friend or social inferior In French the pronoun ``tu'' is informal, while ``vous'' is formal

But I don't get what half of that stuff means, so that wasn't very helpful.

Anyway, my name is Stephanie Cullen, but you can call me Steph if you want. I am 11 years old. I have black or very dark brown hair that is kinda loosely curled and goes down to my waist. My eyes are golden-y and I'm 5ft and half a centimetre tall. I had Esme measure me yesterday. I am the youngest and the smallest in my family and it's annoying because people always underestimate you. I really like my family and my home and stuff. I also like the Nature Channel, animals and colourful things and PURPLE. Read on to find out about my family and stuff.

I have a big family, but were all adopted. There are eight or nine of us altogether. Eight of us live in one house, and the ninth person is Isabella Swan, but she likes to be called Bella. She is Edwards girlfriend or fiancée or whatever. She comes here often, and she is like our third sister. She is mostly getting fixed up by Carlisle because she's broken her hand or needs stitches or something. I'll go ask her if she likes me, since she's over right now.  
She said "yes" and she was all smiley and everything, so I suppose she was telling the truth.  
Bella has long brown hair and chocolate brown eyes and she is very pretty. She always is very clumsy and she knocks things over and trips up a lot. But no one minds. We just laugh. But not in a mean way, because everyone likes Bella. Except my adopted sister Rosalie. She doesn't like Bella because Edward likes Bella more than her.

Rosalie has blonde hair that goes just past her shoulder. Her eyes are golden and she is the most beautiful out of everyone in our family. And she knows it.  
I don't know if Rosalie likes me or not, I'll ask her.  
She said "yes" but she didn't smile or look at me or anything, so I don't know if she is lying, or if she even heard the question. Oh well. I don't mind that people don't like me. I get used to it. But I quite like Rosalie.

Rosalie is in love with my adoptive brother Emmett and they have been married _lots_ and lots of times. Rose always makes me be a bridesmaid. She says I look cute in the dresses she picks out for me. Anyway, Emmett is very, _very_ big and muscular and big and stuff. Once I had a fight with him, but not a nasty fight, we were training for war. I so almost won. Emmett is always either in his Jeep, in the forest, with Rose, teasing Bella about scoring or something, playing baseball, watching a ball game or doing something else that hasn't been listed. He has short black or very dark brown hair and golden eyes. I'll ask him if he likes me.  
He said "sometimes" I asked "at what times don't you and at what times do you?" He said "when you're being annoying and forcing everyone to watch the Nature Channel, I don't like you. When you're funny or something, I like you."

Anyway, everyone is yelling at me to hurry up 'cos we have to go to the forest now. I'll write tomorrow.

Later,  
Steph.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear diary-homework-thingy,

I'm back! Anyway, the forest was exciting. I found twelve snails, five slugs and I saw one lizard. But now I have to finish explaining about my family. So, yesterday we got up to Emmett, and the next person I'm going to tell you about is Edward!

I have an adoptive brother called Edward. I _know_ he doesn't like me, because he reminds me often. But I'll ask him again, just to make sure.  
He said "Go away" and I said "you didn't answer my question" and he said "leave me alone" and I said "not until you answer me" and he said "fine, I'll answer you if it'll make you go away. I hate you" and then Esme yelled at him for hating his sister or something. I don't mind. Edward has golden eyes that always seem to be glaring at me. He has eyebrows that I swear grow more every time I look at them. They'll probably get so big that they'll be bigger than his head or something. I don't know what colour to call his hair. I'll go check.  
I walked over to him and looked at his hair real close and then he shoved me off and said that I'm creepy. I said "I was only trying to see what colour hair you have" and he said "Why?" And I said "for my homework assignment" he said "what does my hair have to do with your homework assignment?" And I said "I have to write about my family and my home and stuff" and he paused and finally said "my hair is brown". So, he has brown hair. When Edward and Bella first met, like before they were even dating, Edward used to creep into her bedroom by the window and watch her sleep. I think this should get him a restraining order, but Bella seems to like it. Now he goes over to her house at night all the time.  
Bella says Edward is 'old school' but I don't know what that means, so I Googled it.

1. Chiefly Brit a school formerly attended by a person  
2. a group of people favouring traditional ideas or conservative practices

That didn't help at all.

Esme is my adoptive mom. She is so kind and thoughtful. She has straight shoulder length brown hair and she also has golden eyes. I'll go ask her if she likes me, though I know the answer already.  
She said "of course, sweetheart!" And then she hugged me and everything. Well at least _two_people definitely do.

Carlisle is my adoptive dad and he and Esme have been married quite a few times. Esme makes me be a bridesmaid, it's okay because she lets me picks out my dress. Anyway, Carlisle's a doctor and he stabs people with needles and stuff _all_ day long! I don't think I would like to be a doctor. I want to be an artist!  
Carlisle has blonde hair which is all swept back, which makes me wonder how much hair spray he uses. Guess what colour his eyes are! Yep, they're golden!  
He's all compassionate, and I had to Google that word and this is what came up:

1. Feeling or showing compassion; sympathetic. See Synonyms at humane.  
2. Granted to an individual because of an emergency or other unusual circumstances: compassionate military leave.

That doesn't really answer my question. Oh well.

I have a sister call Alice, and she is my _real_ sister and my favourite. She has very short spiky dark brown hair and golden eyes. Alice loves fashion and clothes and stuff like that. She is always complaining at everyone for having bad fashion sense or something. I like to go into Alice's bedroom and into her closet which is, like, SO big! Bella said it was bigger than her room! Anyway, I go in and try her clothes on but they're always too big. BUT SHE HAS AWESOME CLOTHES!  
Alice likes to go shopping and she usually takes me or Rose or someone with her. She _tries_ to take Jasper but he always thinks of an excuse. I don't think he likes shopping. Alice says that anything worn more than three times should be burned, but Carlisle won't let her burn our stuff. She has been complaining to me about my clothes, so to make her happy I let her dress me. Big, big, big, big, big mistake! I ended up looking like a Barbie doll, or that's what Emmett said anyway. I don't get how I could look like a Barbie doll, so I asked Jasper. He said Emmett says things he doesn't really mean and he doesn't think before he says stuff. I'll go ask Alice if she likes me.  
She said she does. I know she's telling the truth.

Jasper is my adoptive brother and Alice and him have been married a few times.  
Alice's weddings are amazing! She loves planning parties and weddings and stuff! They _always_make me be a bridesmaid. I don't how much bridesmaid-ing I can take. I keep getting side tracked! That happens a lot. Edward says I wouldn't get side tracked if I had a brain. I reminded him that I do have a brain and he told me to prove it. I didn't know how, so I asked Jasper. He told Edward that if I didn't have a brain, I wouldn't be able to talk or anything. Then he started using really big words like 'membranes' and 'psychological'. I had to Google what they meant.

Membranes meant:  
1. any thin pliable sheet of material  
2. (Life Sciences & Allied Applications / Biology) a pliable sheet like usually fibrous tissue that covers, lines, or connects plant and animal organs or cells  
3. (Life Sciences & Allied Applications / Biology) Biology a double layer of lipid, containing some proteins, that surrounds biological cells and some of their internal structures  
4. (Physics / Atomic Physics) Physics a two-dimensional entity postulated as a fundamental constituent of matter in superstring theories of particle physics  
5. (Historical Terms) a skin of parchment forming part of a roll

Psychological means:  
1. Of or relating to psychology: psychological research.  
2. Of, relating to, or arising from the mind or emotions.  
3. Influencing or intended to influence the mind or emotions: psychological warfare.  
4. Of or being any of certain primary colors whose mixture may be subjectively conceived as producing other colors.

I don't know why Jasper was talking about that stuff in relation to my brain. It all sounds really... Clever, saying that stuff. But it annoys me when people use words I don't understand. ANYWAY, I got side tracked again! Jasper has golden eyes which match his hair. It's all curly and stuff. Once I asked him if he gets his perm done at the Barbers or if Alice does it or something, and he didn't speak to me for at least two days, but that was ages ago. He's still my favourite brother. After he stopped stopped talking to me he said his hair was all natural. I'll go ask him if he likes me.  
He said he does, and he never tells lies. I don't think.

I have to go now. Bye! Write tomorrow!

Later,  
Steph.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear diary-homework-thingy,

Now I need to write about my home. Well, it's very, _very_ big! It's so big that I can't write about every room because I would fill up all the space in this book, so I'll just write about the room that are my favourites. I would put pictures, but that would just be sad, so I won't. The first room is...

My bedroom! It has purple walls, a purple carpet and lots of purple stuff in. I like purple. I have a broken laptop, which Edward broke out of rage or something because I went in his room and played his CD's then looked through his stuff and his sound system broke and so did his favourite CD. I think he like's breaking my stuff as he does it a lot. He smashed my lava lamp because I broke a few strings of his piano and snapped some keys off. I was messing around and I pressed the keys too hard and they fell off. Then I opened up the lid and saw all the strings inside and plucked them with my fingers and a few of them snapped. All the oil stuff inside the lava lamp went EVERYWHERE when he broke it!  
I didn't mind so much about the lamp because it was green, so I got a purple one instead! But it went all over my carpet, which I really like the colour of, and I had to get a new one. He also came and smashed my mirror because I said about the restraining order thing when he sneaks into Bella's room, and Esme yelled at him for getting glass all over my room. Then she yelled at me for disrespecting my brother's relationships or something. Guess what colour my new mirror is! It's red. All the purple ones were sold out :(. I was gutted. But Alice helped me put purple glitter all over it, so now it looks awesome! I have lots of books that I never read and an empty fish tank. I ordered the tank online and Esme yelled at me for ordering stuff on Carlisle's credit card without permission. I really, really, really, _really_, _really_, REALLY want a pet! I'm not allowed a dog or cat full stop. But sometimes I go into the forest and come back with lizards or snails and stuff, but Carlisle always steals them and throws them back outside. When he threw Kevin, my pet lizard, out, I cried for ages. Then Esme yelled at me about Jeremy, Peppy, Speedy and Rat, my old pet snails. She yelled at me because they left snail trails all over everything. I cried for ages as well when she threw them out.  
So I bought the fish tank because the fish can stay in my room, and not disturb anyone else. Carlisle said no, but I plan to go by the river and catch one. But I _bet_ Alice or Edward will catch me. It's like Edward just _knows_ what you're thinking and Alice can just see what you're gonna do next! Though that's probably because they both know me very well. And Edward is always saying that I'm very predictable.

Next room is... The living room!  
This room has a cream sofa that is very soft and stuff. It has a big plasma screen TV that we use to watch ball games (if your Emmett) the amazing Nature Channel (if your me) or the boring news (if you Carlisle or something) or random Catwalk programs (if your Alice or Rosalie). There is also a mark on the far left wall of the room where Speedy pooped. I like watching TV in this room, though everyone moans when I put the Nature Channel on. I like the Nature Channel. It's all about nature and animals and nature and stuff. But it's really sad, like I almost cried when the baby penguins got eaten by the birds of prey!  
Edward says I have an irrational grip on sadness. I tried to Google that, but nothing came up, so I Googled each word instead.

Irrational means:  
1. inconsistent with reason or logic; illogical; absurd  
2. incapable of reasoning  
3. (Mathematics) Maths  
a. not rational  
b. (as noun) an irrational  
4. (Literature / Poetry) Prosody (in Greek or Latin verse)  
a. of or relating to a metrical irregularity, usually the occurrence of a long syllable instead of a short one  
b. denoting a metrical foot where such an irregularity occurs

Grip means:  
1.  
a. A tight hold; a firm grasp: a drowning swimmer now safely in the grip of a lifeguard.  
b. The pressure or strength of such a grasp: a wrestler with an unmatched grip.  
c. A manner of grasping and holding: The crate afforded no comfortable grip.  
2.  
a. Intellectual hold; understanding: a good grip on French history.  
b. Ability to function properly or well; competence: getting a grip on the new technique.  
c. Mental or emotional composure: lost his grip after he was fired.  
3.  
a. A mechanical device that grasps and holds.  
b. A part, such as a handle, that is designed to be grasped and held.  
4. A suitcase or valise.  
5.  
a. A stagehand who helps in shifting scenery.  
b. A member of a film production crew who adjusts sets, lighting, and props and sometimes assists the camera operator.

Sadness means:  
1. Affected or characterized by sorrow or unhappiness.  
2. Expressive of sorrow or unhappiness.  
3. Causing sorrow or gloom; depressing: a sad movie; sad news.  
4. Deplorable; sorry: a sad state of affairs; a sad excuse.

Um... I have an illogical or absurd grip of unhappiness. Okay...

The next room is... The garage!  
This is where everyone's cars are kept. Emmett's HUGE silver Jeep, Carlisle's black Mercedes, Alice's yellow Porsche, Rosalie's Red BMW, Edward's silver Volvo and right now Bella's orange truck. Then of course there's the random cars that no one uses, like the Aston Martin Vanquish etc. Edward hates Bella's truck and he's always pestering her to buy her a new car. Rosalie likes her BMW, and sometimes she picks me up from school in it when Alice and Jasper are busy. Everyone stares and it's really cool! Emmett and Alice _love_ their cars. Alice got her car as a gift from Edward because she babysat Bella. Emmett's had his Jeep for ages. He likes standing up in it when we ride to school. Bella like's her truck. She won't let Edward get her a new car until it breaks. I think Edward likes his Volvo and Carlisle likes his Mercedes, but I'm not sure. I'll ask them. They said that they do. I wish I had a car. I'd have the Vanquish, but I can't drive, obviously. Being the youngest is so unfair.

Esme is calling me. I have to go do some housework like dusting or something.

Later,  
Steph.


	4. Chapter 4

Dear diary-homework-thingy,

Ugh, yesterday's chores were boring. Esme said she would buy me a new laptop if I helped out for a week. I can't pay for it myself because Alice conned me into lending her my purse. She blew it_all_ out on her closet. She's still in debt for $600. Anyway, I've decided to put together a little survey and make each member of my family (and Bella and me) take it!

Name: Stephanie Cullen.  
Favourite colour: Purple!  
Favourite food: Pizza or something.  
Favourite TV show: The Nature Channel!  
Favourite animal: Lizard! No, penguin! No, deer! No, polar bears! No... THIS QUESTION IS TO HARD!  
Favourite thing: My jewellery box. Well, it doesn't actually have _jewellery_ in it so I guess it's just a box.

Name: Bella Swan (soon to be Bella Cullen)  
Favourite colour: Purple.  
Favourite food: Mushroom ravioli.  
Favourite TV show: I don't really watch TV...  
Favourite animal: Wolf.  
Favourite thing: What?

Name: Rosalie Hale.  
Favourite colour: Cream or ivory.  
Favourite food: What kind of a question is that?!  
Favourite TV show: Catwalk shows.  
Favourite animal: Deer.  
Favourite thing: My jewellery box (with jewellery in this time).

Name: Emmett Cullen.  
Favourite colour: Blue.  
Favourite food: Burgers. Haaa!  
Favourite TV show: Ball games.  
Favourite animal: Grizzly bears. RAWR!  
Favourite thing: Rose.

Name: Edward Cullen.  
Favourite colour: I don't know.  
Favourite food: This is a stupid question.  
Favourite TV show: I don't know.  
Favourite animal: Mountain lions.  
Favourite thing: Remind me why I am even taking this dumb survey.

Name: Esme Cullen.  
Favourite colour: Brown.  
Favourite food: Um...  
Favourite TV show: Hmm...  
Favourite animal: Cat.  
Favourite thing: I don't know!

Name: Carlisle Cullen.  
Favourite colour: White.  
Favourite food: What?  
Favourite TV show: Erm, the news channel?  
Favourite animal: Elk.  
Favourite thing: All my doctors' equipment.

Name: Alice Cullen.  
Favourite colour: Raspberry! No, pink! Or blue or white or lemon or purple or red or... Don't ask me hard questions!  
Favourite food: ...  
Favourite TV show: Catwalk or any fashion program!  
Favourite animal: Parrots! They're so colourful!  
Favourite thing: My whole closet!

Name: Jasper Hale.  
Favourite colour: I don't know.  
Favourite food: No comment.  
Favourite TV show: I don't watch TV except if there's something important going on, then I'll watch the news channel.  
Favourite animal: Everything.  
Favourite thing: Um...

I have to go now. Apparently I didn't hoover the living room good enough or something.

Later,  
Steph.


	5. Chapter 5

Dear diary-homework-thingy,

Haaa! The funniest thing happened to me today! Well, I say funniest, but actually it was kinda scary. Anyway, this is what happened.

I was watching the Nature Channel and the snake was just about to strike and eat the mouse and I was really sad 'cos the mouse was really cute! Anyway, Edward came in and was like "Oh! I wonder what Steph's watching?" (I was confused 'cos I'm always watching the Nature Channel, so I couldn't figure out how he didn't know but later Jasper explained that he was being sarcastic) I was like "the Nature Channel. The snake is about to eat the mouse." And he said "good" and I got really angry and threw a cushion at him. He dodged it and it hit Rosalie as she walked down the stairs. She said that she knew I wasn't supposed to throw it at her, so she forgave me. Anyway, I felt like I needed revenge. But first I hid all my precious stuff in Carlisle and Esme's room because he breaks my stuff when I annoy him. I didn't think he would go in there to break my things. Here's what happened:

I walked around to the corner shop to buy some flour. The woman at the counter was all like "hey hun" and I was all like "can I buy this?" And she was all like "sure hun" and I was wondering why she was calling me 'hun'. Remember when I said yesterday that I had no money? Well, I found $2 under my bed and spent it on the corn flour.  
After that I walked home (obviously) and waited until no one was around. Then, I jumped up on the ledge thing just above the door to the living room. I opened the door a crack and balanced the corn flour on it. I was so quiet that I didn't even breathe. Now, as you know, this was supposed to land on Edward. But here's the twist.

I didn't check if anyone was in the living room first, so I didn't know that Edward was already in the room watching TV. So Jasper walked through the door and the bag of flour fell down. Jasper has lighting fast reaction times so he spun round and karate-chopped the bag and it flew across the room so fast it was blurry. At the same time I jumped down from the ledge and went to stand in the doorway by him so I could see where it landed. Then it hit Edward's head and it exploded. I mean the bag exploded, not his head. Edward turned round really slowly and dramatically and I was pretty sure I didn't want to see the expression on his face. He knew it was me who'd put it there. I don't think he was mad at Jasper 'cos he knew that he was doing self-defence and all that.  
Edward looked like the abominable snowman or something white like that. He looked really funny, so I accidentally giggled. I think this might of annoyed Edward a tad because less than a second later Jasper zoomed out of the room to get out of the way of Edwards wrath or something. Then Edward chased me around the house and we were both yelling and screaming and shouting and bellowing and generally being very loud and frightening. Well, he was being very frightening, I don't think I was. Soon Alice came out of her room with Jasper to see what all the yelling and screaming and shouting and bellowing and general loudness and frightening-ness was about but Edward didn't stop chasing me. I ran up the staircase and he ran after me. Then he sorta cornered me and pinned me against the wall and started yelling at me but I didn't concentrate on what he was saying. Then, as if thing could get any worse, Emmett came up the stairs to see what all the yelling was about and started yelling "CAT FIGHT!"  
Then Alice and Jasper came up the stairs and I think Jasper told Alice about the whole flour thing so she knew what was going on. Alice yelled at Edward and Edward stopped yelling at me to yell at Alice. Then Jasper yelled at Edward for him yelling at Alice and everyone was yelling at everyone else and it was really scary. Then Rosalie came up the stairs. Someone yelled at Emmett for going "CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT!" So Rosalie yelled at whoever yelled at Emmett for yelling at him. In short, lots of people were yelling.

Somewhere in all of this, I ran away to my bedroom and picked up this book. I opened the window and climbed down the tree outside it. Then I ran into the forest and climbed another tree. I'm not coming back to the house until all the yelling's stopped. Jeez, I can hear them from here! I don't even think they know I'm gone. Sigh. Edwards gonna kill me when I get back.

Later,  
Steph.


	6. Chapter 6

Dear diary-homework-thingy,

Um, yeah. It was all okay in the end. I went back and everyone was all like acting stern, but then they smiled at me when Edward wasn't looking. Esme wanted me and him to clear up the mess the flour had made and it was all over the house from where he was chasing me. Edward was all like "don't make me clear it up. It wasn't my fault. It's was _her's_" and Esme was all like "you can both clear up this mess!" Then I said "Yeah Edward! You're the one who got it all upstairs from where you were chasing me!" Then Esme said "Stephanie Cullen, you're already in enough trouble as it is. Do not make matters worse for yourself." But I'm not worried about that. You can never really be in trouble with Esme or Carlisle 'cos they never do anything. Oh, I forgot to mention, Edward isn't talking to me. And Emmett wasn't even trying to cover up his laughter, which annoyed Edward as well. I guess things aren't going too well for him lately.

Anyway, here are my plans for today:  
1. Watch the Nature Channel.  
2. Um... Stuff?  
3. CATCH A FISH!

So, I'm too excited to wait for number 3, so I'm gonna do it now!

Check list for catching and looking after a fish:  
1. A bucket with water in and stuff.  
2. A net.  
3. Fish food. Oh, wait. I need to go shopping for fish food. I'll go get Edwards wallet, and write him an I.O.U or something.  
4. Stuff for the tank like green floaty stuff and rocks and stuff for the fish to swim in and play in. That's another thing I need to go shopping for!  
I'm ready! C'ya, I've got some fish catching to do!

YAY! I got a fish! I have no clue what kind it is but it's awesome! It's really small, only about 6cm long. I'm sitting in my room watching it swim around. IT NEEDS A NAME! Um... Percy! Yup. Percy the fish! He looks happy. Right now he's swimming around in his green weed and stuff. Alice is calling me to come and play dress up (or in other words, make Stephanie look all pink and stuff). I'll write in about 20mins... If I survive.

************************************************** ************************************************** ***************

Ohmigod! I cannot believe Edward did this while I was away! I'm so angry and sad and disappointed and ANGRY. Anyway, here's what happened:

So, about the flour thing yesterday. He wanted revenge but he did the most _unforgivable_ thing to get it!  
I went back to my room and... Percy wasn't in his tank! I was really scared that something bad had happened to him. I looked all over my room and all over the tank but he was nowhere! I decided to play some sad music, so I turned on my sound system. I pressed the 'Eject' button that makes the little tray thing you put the CD's on come out. And then I died. Edward had jammed Percy inside the system by putting him on the tray. So, the tray came out and his guts and everything was all over the inside on the tray. Then I screamed for ages and ages and ages. After about 20secs, Alice and Jasper and Edward came up the stairs. Alice and Jasper were all like "What?!" But Edward was just laughing.  
Then I hissed at him and everything. Alice came over and was all like "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" And I was all like "Percy!" And Jasper was all like "what's 'Percy'?" And I was all like "my fish!" And Jasper was like "I didn't know you had a fish..." Then Alice was like "she caught one today. Edward jammed it in her CD player." So, that was all the confirming-ness I needed to know that Edward did it. I ran after Edward and it was kinda like a repeat of the day before, but with opposite positions (I was chasing Edward when yesterday he was chasing me). And I wasn't covered in flour. I was yelling at him and stuff but he was still laughing which annoyed me.  
I thought I'd get the baseball bat out of the garage and hit him with it or something. So, I ran over there and climbed up onto the shelf and get it down.  
I ran back to the house and chased Edward around while hitting him with the bat. Unfortunately, I don't think it hurt him. We never get hurt that easily.  
So I was running and yelling and shouting and being generally very loud while Edward was running away laughing. Then Emmett came _again_ and was all like  
"Haa! Wow, you gonna hit him with that? Oh, you already are. GO STEPH GO! Hey, can I join in?" And then Emmett actually got a baseball bat of his own and we were all hitting Edward with them. It was good revenge, but it would be better if he actually felt it. I think the only ones who felt the pain was the bats, 'cos now they have great big dents in 'em. Anyway, Carlisle came out of the living room and was all like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" And I was all like "Hitting Edward with baseball bats!".

Somehow, Carlisle didn't think I needed to 'express my anger with a bat' so he called me and Edward into the living room for a 'talk' with him and Esme. I hardly answer any of Carlisle's questions; I just glared at Edward for the almost whole time. Carlisle lectured me on 'obeying appropriate rules from adults' or something. He told me that he and Esme specificity told me _not_to get a fish or any other kind of pet and that I 'disobeyed' or something. Then he lectured Edward on 'respecting other people's property'. He was all like "You shouldn't have damaged her CD player like that. How would you like it if someone did that to you?" Then Edward said "she does anyway. She sneaked into my room a few weeks ago and broke _my_ CD player and my CD's. Plus, she shouldn't have had a fish anyway!" Then Carlisle was like "she broke your CD player and CD's?" Then Edward was like "and my piano" then I was like "that's because you broke my lava lamp and my mirror!" Then Edward said "no, you broke my things first" and we got into a big argument. Then Carlisle was all like "Enough!" But we wouldn't shut up so he kicked us out of the living room. I said stuff like "you wanted to get your own back at me, but why bring an innocent animal into it!?" And "what did he ever do to you?" I swear we were standing there arguing for about half an hour until Rosalie came and screamed at us for being so noisy.

Why is my family so irritating and unsympathetic!? He killed my fish just so he could get his own back at me! No one understands how I feel. Well, except Jasper, he always knows how your feeling. But he still doesn't _understand_. I'm not talking to Edward forever and ever and ever.

Later,  
Steph.


	7. Chapter 7

Dear diary-homework-thingy,

WHY IS MY LIFE SO UNFAIR!? Now I have to buy a TV _as well as_ being broke 'cos of lending Alice that $600, buying a new sound system _and_ having to pay Edward back the I.O.U money for the fish stuff! I. Hate. Everything. Here's what happened about the TV.

Alice had just dressed me _again_ with loads of make-up and stuff, and Emmett was laughing at me again. The reason Emmett was laughing at me was because I spelt my name wrong on my math homework. Carlisle said I need to 'improve'. I asked "improve on what?" And he said "a few things" then Edward said "basically, that's short for 'you need to improve on everything!'". I asked what he meant by 'everything' and he said "what do you think!?" And I said "I don't know, do I?! I was the one asking the question!" And he ignored me. He does this a lot, so it's no biggy.

After that, we all had to go to the forest again. It only took about half an hour and I saw lots of animals and bugs! YAY! There was this mountain lion and it might have got a bit annoyed with me 'cos it ripped my favourite tee-shirt with it's claws. I was gutted. 'Course, I didn't get hurt, I just feel sorry for my tee-shirt. It was blue and awesome. I wonder is Alice can do something amazing with it, and make it more awesome then it was in the first place. She probably can. She's good at stuff like that.  
I asked her, and she just looked at me. I was like "what?" And she was like "why do you want to save _that_?" And I was like all sadly and dramatically and stuff "oh. I just thought that you might be able to help me. Obviously not." It didn't work on her at all. She just went "it doesn't matter, you can come shopping with me!" And her eyes glinted or something whenever someone mentions 'shopping'.

So, I went shopping with Alice. It was horrendous. We were only supposed to buy a new top, then get out of there. Alice also said she wanted to pick up 'a few things'. But the normal interpretation of that is different from Alice's. To Alice, 'a few things' mean half the shop. No, make that _half the whole flipping mall_!  
In short, we came back with 15 large bags all full to the brim with stuff.

List of things Alice and Stephanie bought:  
1. A scarlet dress for Bella.  
2. A whole entire designer outfit for Steph. Consisting of;  
1. Professionally faded jeans or something.  
2. The darn tee-shirt that we came out for in the first place that turned out to be a stupid off-the-shoulder green vest thing!  
3. Boots with stud things on.  
4. A new bracelet with our family crest on.  
5. A necklace that's all emerald coloured and stuff.  
If that wasn't bad enough, there's more!  
3. A pink tutu. (You'll find out what this is for later!)  
4. Cany cane stripy alice band.  
5. Purple slip on's.  
6. Something that's all fluffy, but I have no idea what it is.  
7. A rose coloured dress thing for Stephanie that has a 'fitted' waist or something.  
8. A black and white tartan mini skirt.  
9. Black and white Aztec print leggings (I told Alice that there is _no way_ I was wearing that mini skirt without leggings, so we got some too).  
10. A pretty cool turquoise dress with multi-coloured beads on.  
11. A 3-pack of vest tops things.  
12. A blue flower hair-clip.  
JUST TO NAME A FEW!

She's saying I need to put it all in my closet now 'cos it'll all get creased just sitting in the bags. Yay. I'll tell you about the whole TV thing when I'm done.

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I was watching the Nature Channel, as usual, and suddenly this weird thing happened. The picture stopped for a few seconds and then it started glitching. Then, there was this cracking noise and the TV turned off. I went over to the plugs at the wall and looked at them. The red part was at the top, so that meant they were on. I hadn't touched the remote as it was sitting on the bookcase, and I hadn't read anything all day. I tried to turn it back on again but it wouldn't. I called for Carlisle and he was like "what is it?" And I was like "the TV's broken" and he was like "how?" And I was like "I don't know, it glitched!" Then he bent down and did some technical looking stuff with all the wires and plugs and stuff. I just watched. Everyone came in including Bella and watched, too. Then he took the vent thingy off and all this white stuff came out. It was flour. Everyone looked at me accusingly and it was all dramatic and quiet with only the clock-I-don't-like ticking. I was clinging to the small chance that they had totally _forgotten_ about the flour thing so they didn't know it was me. It was a small chance, probably only about 25%. Or more like 1%. I gasped over-dramatically and said "Who put flour in there?!" Then Emmett was all like "Noooooooooo! There's a game on today! How am I supposed to watch it now!?" And Alice was like "Emmett, get over yourself. Your acting like this is the only TV in the house. There's basically one in every room!" Then Emmett was like "but this is the best TV!" Then I was like "I'll buy a new one." Because I knew Carlisle would tell me too soon anyway. It could of been worse, 'cos I don't think many people even cared about it. I think it was just me and Emmett.

I really have to get that $600 back from Alice. I'll go bug her for it now. Oh yeah, and about the pink tutu, let's just say, it's a Christmas present for Eddy-weddy. Haaaa!

Later,  
Steph.


End file.
